Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
