New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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