We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
