Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
