the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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