I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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