My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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