I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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