Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
