I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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