im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
