Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
