i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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