dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
