Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize