so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
