He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
