I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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