I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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