Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
