you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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