i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
