You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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