I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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