I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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