i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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