You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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