Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
