We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
