he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
