that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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