and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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