Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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