Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
