I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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