I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
