I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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