We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
