I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
