and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Jerry, you need to find god
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize