i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
