I think my vagina is haunted
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
