His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
My feet surprised me
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize