whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
