Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
