Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just threw up on my dentist
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
