where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
