if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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