This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
