I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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