do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
