tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
