god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize