She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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