the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
