Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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