i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
