You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
