My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
