its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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