I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
