That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
