We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
