Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
