CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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