shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
