Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
