his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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