My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
