did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
