im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
