just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize