I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
