oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
